Another Junk Joke

Ok, so there was this guy who was brought up in this religion which demanded that all of its members be naked at all times.  The guy was very committed to his religion, so he never wore clothes, even when he went to the store.

One day, he had gone to the grocery store.  He had just picked up some gum and some potato chips when he saw three nuns walking down the aisle. 

Cream Jeans

So this weekend I had a horndog in my pants that wouldn’t quit.  I’m talking major stiffy, and it was while I was out in public (which I’m fine with – i mean, I don’t mind if people passing me on the street know my trouser snake is awake, I think that’s kind of cool), but it was one of thsoe situations where I couldn’t go somewhere (like a bathroom) and take it out and jack it off.  So I just “suffered” with it, hoping it would go down.

Cuz the alternative would be creaming in my jeans.  Which, in this case, would have been not a good thing, since I was meeting some important person, and I couldn’t shake his hand with a huge cumstain spreading out over my crotch.

Fancy Fingering

What is hotter than watching a woman pleasuring herself?

Awesomely erection-making, that  is!  Mind you, I wouldn’t want to just watch a girl playing with herself every night (unless it usually was just foreplay before my li’l guy got to come over to play).  But I love it when it happens.

Boy Meats Melon

I know I’m not the only guy that’s done this (cuz my friend Chunks definitely has, and so have some guys I went to school with): had sex with a melon.

What Jack Wants (A Dirty Joke)

So, little Jack came home from elementary school one day.  He went upstairs and looked in his mother’s room.  She was on her bed, naked, her hands furiously rubbing her crotch, and moaning, “Oh, I want a man!  Dear God, I want a man!”

The next day, little  Jack  came home from school and went upstairs, where he saw his mother once again naked, but this time with a man lying on top of her.  Jack immediately raced to his room, took off all his clothes, lay down on his bed and started furiously rubbing his crotch, moaning, “Oh, I want a bike!  Dear God, I want a bike!”

Follow-Up: Car Jilled

So I heard from a female friend of mine yesterday in response to my post on jacking off while driving.  (Ok, so actually I heard from several female friends – but the others said things like “Ewww” and “You are such a f’in’ pig” – which, hey, I’m ok with.  I am a pig.  A horny pig.)

Car Jacked (and Lovin’ It)

Ok, so I did something yesterday I haven’t done in a while, but that’s always so awesome fun when I do it.

I was driving on a pretty long drive.  It was gonna take about 2 ½  hours, and no one was with me, and after an hour or so, I was bored out of my mind.  So I did what I would’ve done if I was at home and bored out of my mind.

I played with myself.

Joke for Friday

An oldie but  I still like it:

Brent went to see the eye doctor for an eye check-up.   They start chatting while the doctor is doing the check-up, and the doctor says to Brent, “You know, you really need to stop masturbating.”

Brent feels all panicky and says, “Oh my  God, doc!  Why?  Am I going blind?”

“No,” the doctor replies, “but you were upsetting the other patients in the waiting room!”

Chunks Learns About Sex

A bro and me were talking a day or two ago about how we learned about sex at first.  Chunks (that’s what we call him, ‘cuz of how he blows chunks so often when he drinks) said that he learned all the basics from his brother, who was three years older than him.

Why Men J-O

Got this from www.epiclol.com.