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More Lewd Limericks

10 Oct

A girl from Nantucket could blow

Any dick on your average Joe

But when she saw my big meat

She knew she was beat

– And that was BEFORE it did grow!

 

An amorous woman of intellect did complain

About the relationship between dick size and brain

The bigger the cock

The smaller the talk

And after cumming, conversation went right down the drain

 

A young man whose penis had girth

Wanted a lisping young girl born in Perth

But this lisping girl that he knew

He never could screw

When he started, she cried “Thtop! It hurthth!”

Another Junk Joke

9 Oct

Ok, so there was this guy who was brought up in this religion which demanded that all of its members be naked at all times.  The guy was very committed to his religion, so he never wore clothes, even when he went to the store.

One day, he had gone to the grocery store.  He had just picked up some gum and some potato chips when he saw three nuns walking down the aisle.  Continue reading

Cream Jeans

8 Oct

So this weekend I had a horndog in my pants that wouldn’t quit.  I’m talking major stiffy, and it was while I was out in public (which I’m fine with – i mean, I don’t mind if people passing me on the street know my trouser snake is awake, I think that’s kind of cool), but it was one of thsoe situations where I couldn’t go somewhere (like a bathroom) and take it out and jack it off.  So I just “suffered” with it, hoping it would go down.

Cuz the alternative would be creaming in my jeans.  Which, in this case, would have been not a good thing, since I was meeting some important person, and I couldn’t shake his hand with a huge cumstain spreading out over my crotch. Continue reading

Shaving My Balls, Part 2

6 Oct

Okay, so I posted recently about trying to decide if I want to shave my balls, and here’s where I’m at with it.

There’s been a lot of positive feedback from people saying, “Dude, do it, it’s great.”  And, of course, the women that tell me that they prefer it and that tell me that they like to go down on a shaved cock more than a hairy one certainly get my attention!  (And, hey, I understand that.  Hair in the teeth can be annoying.) Continue reading

Is There Anything I Wouldn’t Screw?

4 Oct

After reading my post about fucking watermelons, a bro I know was like, “Dude, is there anything you wouldn’t fucking screw?”  And I was like, of course, “Hey, don’t ask me, ask my dick!  He’s the boss!”

But it did get me thinking.  What WOULDN’T I screw? Continue reading

Washington State Photobomb

3 Oct

Washington State Photobomb.

Lewd Limericks

3 Oct

Ok, so I’m no poet but I like to write dirty limericks.  Here are a few I’ve done in the past. Continue reading

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