Tag Archives: sex

More Lewd Limericks

10 Oct

A girl from Nantucket could blow

Any dick on your average Joe

But when she saw my big meat

She knew she was beat

– And that was BEFORE it did grow!

 

An amorous woman of intellect did complain

About the relationship between dick size and brain

The bigger the cock

The smaller the talk

And after cumming, conversation went right down the drain

 

A young man whose penis had girth

Wanted a lisping young girl born in Perth

But this lisping girl that he knew

He never could screw

When he started, she cried “Thtop! It hurthth!”

To Nipples

5 Oct

I licked an awesome nipple last night.

Ok, two of them.

A really fine nipple is just about as fuckin’ epic as it gets.  (I say that now, and I mean it totally, but I also know that on others days I might fall jsut as much in love with an especially sweet cunt or an ass that swings and sways in the most beautiful way).  But now, a coupla hours after absorbing the fullness of these nipples, I’m all into the can’t-beat-it unbelievableness of nipples.

I love them.  I love the way my eye locks on them when a new pair of breasts is presented to me (and it IS a present).  It doesn’t matter if they’re full and round and deep brown or petite and shy and tan, if they’re soft or if they’re standing up and bursting with excitement.  i just love to take them in with my eyes and feast on them, and then to touch them, stroke them lightly, run my fingers around every centimeter of them.  To prolong the time when I move my mouth down on them and kiss them, let my tongue roll over them, absorb them.

The ones last night were bursting with personality.  Yes, nipples do have personality, and not always the same as the one that their owner has presented.  The possessor of last night’s fine nipples was kind of shy, a bit demure, but when the bra came off and her hands fell away from covering them, they preseted themselves as luscious and proud and mesmerizing.  I gently fell on them and spent a lot of time letting them know how much I appreciated their specialness.

I love taking my time with nipples, giving them their due, letting them know that a cunt is fantastic but that nipples have their own allure and charm and fascination.  Women’s bodies are so fuckin’ awesome, and nipples are amazing.  Every one of them.  They all have their own storie sto tell, and I love to experience all of them.

Heaven.  Fuckin’ heaven.

Is There Anything I Wouldn’t Screw?

4 Oct

After reading my post about fucking watermelons, a bro I know was like, “Dude, is there anything you wouldn’t fucking screw?”  And I was like, of course, “Hey, don’t ask me, ask my dick!  He’s the boss!”

But it did get me thinking.  What WOULDN’T I screw? Continue reading

Lewd Limericks

3 Oct

Ok, so I’m no poet but I like to write dirty limericks.  Here are a few I’ve done in the past. Continue reading

What Jack Wants (A Dirty Joke)

27 Sep

So, little Jack came home from elementary school one day.  He went upstairs and looked in his mother’s room.  She was on her bed, naked, her hands furiously rubbing her crotch, and moaning, “Oh, I want a man!  Dear God, I want a man!”

The next day, little  Jack  came home from school and went upstairs, where he saw his mother once again naked, but this time with a man lying on top of her.  Jack immediately raced to his room, took off all his clothes, lay down on his bed and started furiously rubbing his crotch, moaning, “Oh, I want a bike!  Dear God, I want a bike!”

Lyin’ ‘Bout My Rubber Size

25 Sep

Ok, so I’m glad to say that this is NOT something that I do now, but I also have to admit it’s something I did in the past, and I know it was wrong (and thank God it never came to anything) – and that’s intentionally buy a rubber that’s too big for me.

Continue reading

Sex on a Picnic Table? Check!

24 Sep

Okay, got to add a new one to my “places I’ve had sex list” this weekend.  Was out with my sex bud (see post of a coupla days ago), and we had ourselves a picnic dinner, complete with a hefty amount of wine, and before the night was over, we were buck naked on the picnic table going at it.

It was one of the greatest screws I’ve ever had.  And my partner was pretty satisfied too.

Continue reading

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