Work is burying me – too busy to post for the last few days and won’t for a few more – just wanted to check in and let you know that.
…Unless you can trust everyone else in the house.
That above is advice from my friend, Chunks (who I’ve talked about before). Chunks is a pro at getting drunk, so i trust his advice.
Here’s why Chunks says drunk, naked and asleep is a bad combo:
“So, there was this time when I got lucky with this girl I picked up at a frat party (but it wasn’t my frat, it was another one). So we got hot and heavy pretty quick, but after I’d already had, like a gazillion beers.
“So we stumbled upstairs to some guy’s room, and we went at it, and it was great. Then we fell asleep. or I did, I don’t know if she did. And I was all butt naked. And shit, did I sleep! I didn’t wake up, even to piss, for like 10 hours.
“Then I was all groggy, I pulled my shorts on, went into the toilet and whizzed, got kinda dressed, stumbled home, and slept some more.
“Then a coupla nights later, I got lucky again, and we went back to my place. I got undressed, and this girl started laughing – which is kinda embarrassing when a girl laughs at you naked. But it turns out she wasn’t laughing at the size of my junk, but at my butt.
“When I’d been passed out the coupla nights before, someone had come in and painted my butt blue, then drawn a goofy face on it. And I’d been so out of it, I didn’t even know. And since it was on my butt, I didn’t see it the next coupla days when I showered.
“And lemme tell ya, getting paint off your ass is NO FUN!”
Chunks never did find out who did it. Some rival frat guy. (And I’m glad he did – makes me laugh, long as it wasn’t me!)
Ok, I’m pretty much a typical horndawg who tends to really get off on breasts and muffs and ass.
But shoulders are nothing to sneeze at. Continue reading
A girl from Nantucket could blow
Any dick on your average Joe
But when she saw my big meat
She knew she was beat
– And that was BEFORE it did grow!
An amorous woman of intellect did complain
About the relationship between dick size and brain
The bigger the cock
The smaller the talk
And after cumming, conversation went right down the drain
A young man whose penis had girth
Wanted a lisping young girl born in Perth
But this lisping girl that he knew
He never could screw
When he started, she cried “Thtop! It hurthth!”
Ok, so there was this guy who was brought up in this religion which demanded that all of its members be naked at all times. The guy was very committed to his religion, so he never wore clothes, even when he went to the store.
One day, he had gone to the grocery store. He had just picked up some gum and some potato chips when he saw three nuns walking down the aisle. Continue reading
So this weekend I had a horndog in my pants that wouldn’t quit. I’m talking major stiffy, and it was while I was out in public (which I’m fine with – i mean, I don’t mind if people passing me on the street know my trouser snake is awake, I think that’s kind of cool), but it was one of thsoe situations where I couldn’t go somewhere (like a bathroom) and take it out and jack it off. So I just “suffered” with it, hoping it would go down.
Cuz the alternative would be creaming in my jeans. Which, in this case, would have been not a good thing, since I was meeting some important person, and I couldn’t shake his hand with a huge cumstain spreading out over my crotch. Continue reading