Is There Anything I Wouldn’t Screw?

4 Oct

After reading my post about fucking watermelons, a bro I know was like, “Dude, is there anything you wouldn’t fucking screw?”  And I was like, of course, “Hey, don’t ask me, ask my dick!  He’s the boss!”

But it did get me thinking.  What WOULDN’T I screw?

I’m going to put aside the things that  are just wrong – meaning, you know, a girl who didn’t WANT sex or kids or things like that.  (Sigh of relief from some of you that I’ve got SOME sense of what’s right!)  I also can state that I’m not into animals, period.

Let’s start with the obvious (to me) – the butt.  I tried anal sex with a girl one time because we both were curious, but we didn’t get very far; I think we both were kind of hesitant, like we wanted to try it but were nervous and not sure, and as we got started, she said it hurt, so we stopped right away.  (Had a great “normal” fuck instead, so no complaints.)

But I admit that when I’m watching porn and see an anal sex scene the woman is really getting into it, it gets me hot and makes me think it would be cool, so yeah, I’d do anal if a woman was into it.

Would I if it was a guy?  I’m not gay, so it’s not something that is top of my list, but if I was horny enough and someone was coming on to me…I dunno…I might.  I can’t really imagine it, but at the same time, I know that when my li’l guy is hard and begging, I can’t always say what I’d do.

OK.  What about a blow-up fuck doll?  Hell yeah.  I’d love to give one of those a try!

Fleshlight.  Definitely would.  Plan to some time.

Pillows.  Done it.  Plenty.  Also bedsheets, towels, socks, etc.

Hot dog bun.  Yes, I have done it (mayo-lubricated).

Fur coat?  Hell, that would be awesome.  Maybe even just a fake fur-lined glove (hmmmmm….)

A bowling ball?  Hey, if the holes were big enough and I had enough lube, yeah.

I guess basically if it’s the right shape and can provide the right amount of stimulation, my pecker is pretty game for anything.

13 Responses to “Is There Anything I Wouldn’t Screw?”

  1. (anatomyofaffairs.wordpress.com) October 4, 2012 at 1:08 am #

    Analsex is great with good lubrication. Pain is not good and not necessary.

  2. wettersbetter October 4, 2012 at 4:55 am #

    One of my guy friends informed me that a hollowed u cucumber popped in the microwave for a few seconds is also a good food fuck toy. I thought it was weird (weirder than a melon and an apple pie but hey, I’m not judging) but I thought you should know you are not alone.

    • mrguypants October 4, 2012 at 9:33 am #

      Interesting – I never consider cukes before!

  3. Shane October 4, 2012 at 10:11 am #

    as an attorney, i advise you to experiment with same-sex intercourse (although i should also mention that i’ve been disbarred for malpractice, negligence, and breach of fiduciary duty)

  4. Pete Armetta October 4, 2012 at 10:22 am #

    I could tell you stories haha

    • mrguypants October 4, 2012 at 11:09 am #

      I’m listening – tell!

      • Pete Armetta October 4, 2012 at 11:25 am #

        I’m easily persuaded to “dip” generally haha that’s for an offline conversation no doubt.

  5. filledandfooled October 4, 2012 at 12:14 pm #

    Dude you are so funny. Thanks for making me smile.

  6. Tiffany N. York October 4, 2012 at 5:46 pm #

    Guys usually want to fuck me within 5 minutes of meeting me. Sometimes it’s annoying; sometimes flattering. But after reading your post I now realize all they’re really thinking is: Should I go home and fuck a watermelon, my male roommate’s ass, or try for this hot chick? Gee, with those choices, I don’t think I’ll feel flattered anymore.

    • mrguypants October 4, 2012 at 8:28 pm #

      Disclaimer – under no circumstances think of anything I say or do as being what most guys would say or do! (If every other guy is just like me, we’re in a helluva lot of trouble!)

  7. Daydreamer October 4, 2012 at 8:42 pm #

    Definitely honest! Enlightening!

  8. Isabella October 4, 2012 at 10:20 pm #

    This was excellent…loved reading it…..and really the things you mentioned trying…You should!

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