Yeah, I Cheat

30 Jul

I’m not awesome proud of this, but I have to admit that I have cheated – a few times.  I’m not married, but I’ve been in a few “serious” relationships that have lasted from a few months to a little over a year.  And in most of those cases, I have sexed another girl instead of just sleeping with the girl I was seeing.

Does that make me bad?  I don’t think so.  Does it make me a jerk?  Well, yeah.  I mean, I’d be the first to admit that thinking about what’s good for my dick instead of what’s good for my girl friend and me is jerk-ish.  And yeah, I admit that it would have been pretty easy for me to exercise a little more self control and just say no to the urge to shop around.

But I also have to be honest and admit that, in the cases where this has happened, I just didn’t WANT to be more in control.  I liked letting my head have its head.  I like sex.  I liked having it with my then-girl friends.  But I also liked having it with the girls I cheated with.  And though I sometimes think I SHOULD regret it, you know, in all honesty, I don’t.

And I also admit that the fact that I was cheating is one of the things that made me do it.  I liked the idea that I was doing something I shouldn’t be doing.  The “forbiddenness” of it was exciting.  Some of my best orgasms came from my cheating excursions, and I don’t think it was because the women I was using – and I was using them, because I didn’t have an interest in going out with them steadily – were awesomely ultra-sexual or something.

I also know that my cheating is probably an acting out or something else psychologically – that I was angry at the girl I was seeing, or I felt trapped, or I don’t like to be “owned” or something.   Probably that last bit.  And I admit it’s a f’cked up thing to do to someone else.

But, sorry to say it, it’s also fun.

Am I alone on this?

57 Responses to “Yeah, I Cheat”

  1. jiovanasays August 1, 2012 at 2:36 pm #

    I must say that I really enjoyed reading this blog. Its raw, its the truth and I respect you for it. Wish more men would be more honest about the topic. Most people DO NOT regret cheating, but more so regret getting caught.

    • mrguypants August 1, 2012 at 3:36 pm #

      Thanks. I’m trying to be as honest as I can be. Tired of pretending, y’know?

  2. Mr X August 1, 2012 at 3:36 pm #

    I like your honesty over a subject that would probably have gained you spiteful comments from Females.

    However, I worry that you are trying to glorify a negative side to your personality that you should spend time on sorting out, rather than soothing it.

    You probably have some Boy psychology going on but can obviously attract the opposite sex, which means you may show these kind of traits: spoiled behavior, cheating, manipulator, arrogant, tyrant.

    As opposed to the traits of someone with a developed Man psychology which would be strength, protector, leader,mentor to other men, source of grounding energy, on his
    purpose.

    I am not trying to judge you, sometimes we all have to get these things out of our system before we can make changes and mature. I just thought I’d highlight some issues and hopefully leave you with a few thoughts.

    Mr X

    • mrguypants August 1, 2012 at 5:28 pm #

      Very boy – I admit it.

      • isabellawolgoth September 13, 2012 at 6:53 pm #

        I would ignore Mr X’s ode to Pop Psychology. Dividing experience into odd categories is only big talk, as if the identity of a human being was dividable into neat categories. Please. Also, as a follower of Vice, I find his views narrow, offensive, and particularly ignorant.

        Mr. Guy Pants should answer to know one but his dick.

  3. sexualthinking August 1, 2012 at 3:46 pm #

    There’s no point in hiding the fact that cheating is a turn on. Since writing my blog I have realised that almost all my sexual fantasies involve cheating. It makes me a bastard but Im honest! Im even more turned on when Im cheating with someone who is also cheating!

    • mrguypants August 1, 2012 at 5:30 pm #

      Yeah, it figures big in my fantasies – but then, so do so many things nowadays! Some days I feel I can get a hard-on just from looking at – I don’t know -a hot dog bun!

      • Mr X August 1, 2012 at 5:33 pm #

        Interesting perspectives.

        Question for the both of you…

        How often do you use Porn?

      • mrguypants August 2, 2012 at 9:42 am #

        Hard to say. Sometimes a lot, sometimes very little.

  4. wettersbetter August 15, 2012 at 5:04 am #

    Great post. Cheating does happen and I’m sure it sucks as well but at least you were honest-ish about your motivations. I guess it’s like Chris Rock says ‘the only thing better than pus*y is NEW pus*y!

  5. dFashionFanatic August 16, 2012 at 11:59 am #

    does that make you a slut….cause if tables were reversed and it was a girl…chances are no one would appreciate her honesty…but all in all..kudos to you MrGuyPants 😉

    • mrguypants August 16, 2012 at 2:27 pm #

      More a pig than a slut, I think (in my case). And you’re right, there’s a big double standard.

      • dFashionFanatic August 17, 2012 at 11:07 am #

        now if only we could do something about that

  6. Md. Alsanda August 16, 2012 at 1:24 pm #

    Thank you for stopping by and the following .

  7. mrsfever August 16, 2012 at 4:17 pm #

    You don’t have to cheat if you both just agree to have sex with other people.

    • mrguypants August 16, 2012 at 4:47 pm #

      True.

    • pandacane August 23, 2012 at 5:37 pm #

      I think an open situation would probably be healthier. However, he stated that a big part of the allure is the taboo nature of cheating and the rush that comes with it. Something tells me that this would not satisfy what he is looking for.

      • mrsfever August 25, 2012 at 5:35 pm #

        There are a lot of ways to incorporate the thrill of getting caught without having to lie or cheat. And maybe navigating the ‘open’ seas would help him sail in new directions.

    • seattlepolyguy September 5, 2012 at 2:43 pm #

      This is, in fact, what led my primary and me to go polyamorous 🙂

      Of course, then you don’t get the forbidden fruit thrill, but… *sings* “you can’t always get what you waaaant…”

  8. cupcakescutie August 17, 2012 at 10:22 pm #

    Maybe you’re not made to be monogamous? Most people aren’t which is why a lot of people cheat(or so that’s my learned opinion).

    • mrguypants August 17, 2012 at 10:55 pm #

      Could be. Definitely don’t think I’m “mono” right now in my life!

  9. afourlettername August 19, 2012 at 10:11 pm #

    As a female, I 100% agree with you. I cheat too, rarely regret it but I’ve never been caught. There is definitely something exhilarating about the experience. Kind of like sex outdoors…you could get caught and that’s strangely erotic.

  10. tommygunzrlz August 21, 2012 at 2:02 pm #

    I really like your honesty. I truly believe that if you can’t get what you want and need at home, then you need to supliment. If I could find one woman that could be the be all and end all of my needs, then yes, I could be monogamous. But realistically, I don’t ever see that happening. Yes I am self centered by saying that, but aren’t partners being self centered if they refuse to experiment or master a technique that we like in the sack??? Or even if they lack the intensity? Is it fair to keep a powerful wild stallion locked in the barn when he was born to run? So who really is being selfish here? The cheater or the one expecting to keep the animal chained and eating the same old oats?

    • mrguypants August 21, 2012 at 2:06 pm #

      Hey, people are complicated, right? It’s like, society thinks we all have to be the same, but if you’re not what society thinks is right, you either have to deny yourself and conform or be yourself and be ostracized. And not just in this area, either. But for me, I think some of it is just that I’m not in the place for total monogamy yet – but might be some time, when I “grow up.”

      • scarletwilde August 23, 2012 at 9:38 am #

        We cheat when what we have is missing something. Men and women do it. It’s easier than ever now the Internet has explicitly cheating sites to hook up with fellow cheaters! I don’t cheat when everything, including sex, is great – but when I become bored – then I’m prone, just like you, it seems! Thanks for your refreshing honesty on the subject.

  11. faunatushe August 23, 2012 at 3:43 pm #

    Very interesting post. Very rarely do you get to catch a glimpse into the true feelings regarding cheating. I know you said that part of the thrill is cheating; but have you ever thought about merely having an open relationship? I’m sure with some role-play between you and your partner, you could have your excitement and keep your girlfriend. (And not hurt her in the process)

    • mrguypants August 23, 2012 at 5:03 pm #

      Definitely something 2 think abt

  12. calvinandi August 23, 2012 at 5:15 pm #

    As long as you realize your girlfriends might have cheated on you as well, and it’s no problem… I agree with dFashionFanatic, women are rarely well regarded when having casual sex. Anyway, thanks for being truthful about it!

  13. butimbeautiful August 24, 2012 at 11:35 am #

    Nah, my ex boyfriend was like that, that’s why he’s an ex. The thing is, I think if you want to fuck around, do – it’s a free world – but just don’t hide it. then you’re in the clear, right?

  14. Wordwytch August 25, 2012 at 1:38 am #

    Life can be complicated. Entitlement is a bitch. It’s better to not commit to a relationship if you can’t keep from straying. Better yet, have an open relationship. Monogamy isn’t for everyone. Certainly not my cup of tea.

  15. CuriousMuse August 28, 2012 at 10:54 am #

    An honest post, which is rare in this world of anonymity. But then it’s anonymous. I’m not judging. I don’t know you and I respect that you have written this. I know from my own experience of anonymous writing that it is not really any easier.
    But I have a question. Have you considered consequences? You may not have wanted to settle and have kids but to be in a relationship for a year you must have had some bond? I once had a brief affair with a married man. I doubt I was his first or last. I couldn’t deal with the fact that there was a third person whose world would have been blown apart if she had found out – and that would be ridiculous because I think in that case he would have been lost without her- he truly loved her, just loved the thrill of the chase maybe. I read a quote recently – “The thrill of the hunt is in the sex.” That’s a man I would like to meet.
    But for me, bottom line, it should about respecting a partner and their right to choose. It’s one thing doing something forbidden for the thrill. It’s really not so thrilling to cause pain and hurt in someone who is showing you respect and affection.
    Of course then you have to consider boundaries. For some a flirtation alone would be unacceptable, for others raunchy emails would be no issue so long as they remained just that. For me honesty is key. I’d rather a person walked away than keep them under false pretences. I have no issue with non-monogamy. My issue would be with dishonesty. Just me. You’ll find your way.
    Have you read http://mydissolutelife.com he has had a fascinating journey.

  16. Smegsecks Secksblog August 28, 2012 at 6:17 pm #

    Obviously you arent alone, and we are not bad for doin that, (I think lols) There are a lot of crazier stuff than cheating, that should be mild hahhaah 🙂

    From the staff of http://smegsecks.wordpress.com/

  17. extracurriculalife August 29, 2012 at 11:31 am #

    Cheating… That’s always interesting. I met a guy who was married who was in the same situation I had been in when I was married. Loved his wife, but she refused to sleep with him. He was nice, fun to talk to, attractive, very good at sex…. so even though he told me, I still chose to call him, but then I realized that I didn’t want to hurt her. In his case, I totally flirted with him, I made the first move, he “gave in” and because he wanted to see me again, he told me about his situation. I respected him for it.

    But then I had another experience. I wouldn’t even have noticed this guy if he hadn’t gone out of his way to flirt with me at this party for patrons of an event. After the party, I went to a couple of other venues and he was at every one, flirting with me. When I was leaving the last venue, he decided to walk with me and told me that he was interested in me. I knew he meant sex and I was fine with sex. I didn’t want a relationship, just sex. After we slept together, he started talking about his girlfriend and I was like, you bastard! I had no interest in him until he started and he pursued me knowing he had a girlfriend. I know he said something because he didn’t want me to “grow attached”, but it’s because of the inability of guys to understand that some girls are okay with casual sex [who do not look like “that type of girl”] without wanting anything more from the guy. But that he would deliberately do that to his girlfriend… I felt dirty at that moment because now, when I see her, I know that she is being fooled by a scumbag. I’d rather not have known. And the kicker is that the guy still tries to flirt with me. Ummm, nah, dude.

    Of course, I don’t think that cheating makes you a scumbag. I’m not even sure how I can forgive one guy for cheating and absolutely can’t stand another guy for doing the same thing. I don’t even look down on myself for sleeping with the married guy because I remember having a partner who refused to sleep with me. Maybe I just need to keep my own libido in check.

    • mrguypants August 29, 2012 at 1:33 pm #

      Life is f’in’complicated. (A very insubstantial answer to your thoughtful post, I know – but I don’t mean it that way. Just that there’s so much stuff goin’ on with everyone, I don’t know how 2 people ever get on the same page.)

  18. Earl the Pearl August 30, 2012 at 12:20 pm #

    You are great and thanks!

  19. Austin Sports Guy August 30, 2012 at 6:14 pm #

    Women want to hear the truth from men, provided it’s the truth they want to hear.

    I was watching Morning Joe one day, and Mika whoselastnameisaneyechart asked how JFK and Clinton could be considered good Presidents, since they played around on their wives?

    The answer? The same way OJ can be considered a good running back. Doesn’t mean you want to grab a beer with him after the game.

    Only women give a shit if a guy played around. Even Newt Gingrich, who was trying to get Clinton impeached, didn’t really give a rat’s ass about him fucking Monica. Newt was just using the best tool at his disposal.

    And it turns out, the Newtster was fucking somebody on the side too. See how it is?

  20. Candice August 31, 2012 at 1:12 pm #

    This gave me a lot to think about as a woman and therapist, with an interest in sexuality. One thing that came to mind was shame. I’m curious about whether there is any, and how it is managed. Another thing I thought about was pleasure. I wonder how rebellion, dishonesty, and sneaking became a part of what is pleasurable to you.

    I wish I wasn’t judging you, but I am. I will work on that. Lol! Still, I enjoyed hearing your thoughts. I think that’s a part of disclosure, experiencing some judgment and managing it or not giving a fuck. Both work. I look forward to reading more.

  21. seattlepolyguy September 5, 2012 at 2:47 pm #

    I’ve cheated too, and I’ve also had the weird split where I don’t entirely regret it; I’ve never been caught, and I’m sure I’d regret it if I were.

    What I find myself regretting is that I *don’t regret it*, and I find myself regretting that I’m living up to my own standards. This is the biggest issue.

    Yeah, there was a thrill to “fooling around,” but ultimately I discovered that it wasn’t worth the cost to my self-esteem, in terms of not thinking of myself as an ass.

    At present, my primary and I are polyamorous, so there’s not really any such THING as cheating. The closest would be unprotected sex, but frankly I don’t want to catch an STD, so I’m not going to cross THAT boundary with anyone else.

    The nice thing about an open relationship is that I get to explore every (legal) kink, fetish, shape, size, and color that appeals to me. And I’m almost over my need for “casual hookups” as a result; there doesn’t really seem to be anything new under the sun, so now I’m exploring the mental/emotional angle more. So far, it’s *much* more interesting than just banging everything that moves…

    • mrguypants September 5, 2012 at 2:49 pm #

      Thanks for sharin with me, bro.

  22. smalltalk101 September 5, 2012 at 9:33 pm #

    Really enjoyed reading this! Of course I don’t believe in cheating…it’s a girl thing i guess…but this was so honest! Thanks for sharing! I’m good forward to more from you

  23. icebluebaby September 6, 2012 at 10:17 pm #

    Being honest with yourself is a good thing.. no matter what anyone things I love that you are honest and put it out there. You are who you are, jerk, dick, or otherwise. 😉

    • Confessions of a skanky man whore September 7, 2012 at 11:57 am #

      Dude you are not alone, I think more people chat than care to admit. I have had sex with so many married women its scary.
      The only difference between us and them is that we admit it!

  24. Panty Parade September 10, 2012 at 12:47 am #

    Here’s an idea: Don’t get “serious” with women who you’ve only dated a few months or close to a year. I’m not suggesting that you string women along, either. All I’m suggesting is that waaaaay too many people assume exclusivity waaaaaay too early in a relationship.

    You liked the women with girlfriend status. And, you liked the women you played with casually. Why not figure out a way to carve out a life where you can happily enjoy the company with everyone without having anyone get hurt?

    Just a thought . . . .

  25. secretfemalesexaddict September 11, 2012 at 10:19 am #

    I respect your candor about cheating. It’s definitely helpful to hear what’s going on in your head. It also makes me sad, but I understand your mentality. Sometimes I just feel that men have been given a pass to act as immature and irresponsible as possible. I’m not saying this is always the case when cheating is involved, but definitely most of the time there’s some aspect of “i am entitled to whatever I want and you can’t stop me”. I look at that behavior as mostly immmature. Regardless, thanks for your opinion.

  26. Masterbater September 15, 2012 at 12:17 pm #

    You are a lucky champ.. I havent had sex with anyone..

  27. whatisityouseek September 17, 2012 at 3:28 pm #

    I did find this blog interesting because it is honest. Being a female considering becoming the other woman with a man that is married, I believe the reason why men “cheat” whether they are in a serious relationship or married is due to the excitement and the thought of the “forbidden” act of doing something they know is wrong. Desire is a dangerous factor, but it can also be so much fun!

  28. diaryofamadmixedlady September 17, 2012 at 5:53 pm #

    Phew! That was an eyefull! However, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this posting. Just as stated by someone else, it’s honest and bluntly to the point. I agree, more people should be up front about it, they may get a surprising response! 🙂

  29. Cornelius Agrippa September 18, 2012 at 11:17 am #

    It all depends what you want. In my experience the best sex is when you are with someone you really love and trust, then you can be accepted, be totally yourself and also give freely. Using someone else is strengthening the ego in you rather than your essence. It may give you a cheap thrill but I doubt whether it will bring happiness in the end. (This is not judgmental any more than saying you’ll hurt yourself if you fall off a cliff – I just think that’s the way the world is constructed.)

  30. jaydopez September 24, 2012 at 11:15 am #

    Word. I can understand where you are coming from in this post. When I’m with a chick, all chicks want me. So I feel obligated to not let anyone down. smh, Lots of people say, that isn’t ethical, correct, or what have you, but man, I live one life, and there are thousands of opportunities a day. In my experience, I’ve never met a female who was willing to set me so straight that I was practically afraid of her leaving me, and thats why I continue to seek.

  31. comingcleanaboutgettingdirty September 25, 2012 at 10:06 am #

    Have you ever thought about swinging? You can be with one partner but have sex with others.

    • mrguypants September 25, 2012 at 2:26 pm #

      Definitely think about it. Could be in my future.

  32. dreamshadow59 September 27, 2012 at 4:51 pm #

    Soooo…The NEXT time you wanna cheat…Give me a call. Hehehehehehe.
    Sooz

  33. filledandfooled October 2, 2012 at 9:56 am #

    Yes, the ownership part gets to me too. Nice blog, can’t wait to read more!

  34. Kay BeeBee October 9, 2012 at 10:06 am #

    Hey … Maybe those girls you feel you used we’re actually using you? Just a thought! 😉 x

    • mrguypants October 9, 2012 at 11:22 am #

      Could be

      • estrix October 16, 2012 at 9:09 am #

        I used to cheat. In fact, I cheated on almost all of my important relationships. (And for context, I’m a queer female, so cheating isn’t just a guy thing.) But I’d feel guilty enough that I’d confess and end the relationship. Then I “grew up”, which did not make monogamous, but it make me be more honest and up front about my character and conduct, so now I’m poly. I still get to have sex with someone new, or even something casual, but I just have to have the courage to tell my partners about it.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. A Few Thoughts on Cheating « The Divorced Lady's Special - September 12, 2012

    […] was reading MrGuyPants’ post on cheating, and it made me think about my own policy on this […]

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